Fragments of life's diary... Somewhere, some day, at 3:38pm

From the series: 'Writings to stay alive'
Chapter, 'A Barbie wandering around nothingness'

"...I felt as if I had gone to a funeral without death. I got to the cemetery, but couldn't see the dead. So I decided to go out. It felt good, it felt bad. I was dragged throughout the peak and the break of a range of emotions. Found a couple of answers that brought me new doubts. Burned obsolete truths that no longer belonged to my reality, but to other's. Tried to understand my mother. Loved my grandmother and cried when she answered the phone. Thought everything was all right, but like a Barbie I didn't like when it went otherwise. So I woke up everyday wearing a princess dress, in pain, surrounded by Codeine pills. And all of a sudden I was in heaven, right after I realised heaven wasn't a place, but a state of mind. So from that instant on, I was determined to conquer the world from my chair 
calling out life at high volume when they asked me to turn it down. And finally I had seen the shadow of the light, because even the brightness escapes the reason sometimes. I thought I was wrong, but I had been awarded. So I decided to keep doing it right..." 

Train from Caen to Deauville...

It's almost seven in the morning and I don't understand why the sun isn't out yet... It reminds me when I was thirteen and my mother noticed I was in love for the first time and scared, she told me that love kills! From that instant on I was aware of my tireless search for fulfilling the void that filled my chest, and understand why surrounded by everything, I still would think of nothing... Ohhh overwhelming nature that rules my soul and converts me into a beauty stalker because only it can calm me down and only it can accompany me. The beauty is up to me! It exists when I don't give up and persists while I sleep, laying at the back seat of a car that travels and awakens me in between the bumps, opening my eyes that immediately contemplate the clouds passing through the wide window above myself. Ahhh, I always write longing to talk about love, but an inevitable pain drags me to speak of nothing. The relief is that yesterday I dreamed I was dancing...